TRIAL BY WATER

Back in the ICW, after a long and stressful day, a cold glass of wine was sufficient to “wash away worries” and restore my sense of equilibrium. But THIS passage is different. I am truly humbled. I cannot eat. A few sips of coke from Vince’s can revives the senses and brings me “back.” But the thought of alcohol?!! You’d have to be out of your mind!!! At the worst of it I found solace in a dark corner of the cabin. This was my space. And while Vince manned the helm, his face flushed with happiness and exhilaration—looking ever outward, I huddled inside. Curled into a comfortable ball, MY spirit found solace looking inward. And strengthened. Alone in the dark, peace and calm were restored. And just before we faced the “do or die” turn around Northwest Channel Light, with dignity I was able to return to the cockpit to accept whatever was going to happen. I told Vince that I loved him.

Now safe at harbour, my zombie-like trance is not entirely gone. It is SO good just to sit. To doze. To take a little nourishment. But just a little—only a few bites at a time.

Last night we met up with “Salty Goose” and “Carefree” to celebrate the success of our passage. We owe them both so much! The “Poop Deck” restaurant/bar was packed with holiday revelers as we squeezed our way to a table overlooking Nassau Harbour. There was lights and life and an exuberant happiness in the air. We wined and dined our friends, sincerely grateful to be able to “give back” to them after all they had given to us. But we were all still so utterly exhausted that even after a great night out on the town together, the REAL highlight of the evening was crawling into a comfortable bed and falling blissfully asleep.

At 2:00am I awoke—nauseous. Dragging myself to the head, I forced the sickness to come. At first I thought it was just bad conch. But when Vince said it was “nerves” I knew he was right. I needed to purge myself of stress and worry. Today I am quiet. Writing speaks for me. When I am able to organize my thoughts on paper, I can find some semblance of sense in what is happening to me on this journey of discovery. And it gives me the strength to carry on—and experience more…

I was meant to go on this journey. So many things “fell into place” that I am convinced it was not coincidence. And when I “go inside of myself” to question, my spirit is “answered” with a sense of peace and optimism that implies “Yes! Yes!” And I am in touch once again with the “power” that is controlling my destiny. I don’t think that I am meant to die just yet. I have “grown” more in the past few months of this trip than I have in the previous sixty years of my old reality. Then I was “giving” to students. But spiritually I was just treading water. This is MY time now. There is so much more that I still need to learn. And if by writing this blog and putting it all “out there” I am able to connect on some level to some other soul, so much the better. Because we are all here to help each other grow.

P.S. I read this entry to Vince. He says: “Good Linda. And now it’s going to be SO much easier!” I laugh hysterically!! Right Vince.